Why the Friend Zone is Exactly Where You Want to be!

“I bet you start loving me

Soon as I start loving someone else

Somebody better than you.

I bet you start needing me,

Soon as you see me with someone else,

Somebody other than you”

Ladies, haven’t we all sang that song to the top of our lungs in hopes that the one you like magically hears this and finally recognizes your value and pursues you. What a happy ending! However, this is real life not Cinderella. Oh yeah, I forgot to add the “I’m about to get fine on him and he gone miss out” phrase too. These are the things that hilariously go through my mind sometimes. I just want to share a quick story with you that happened to me recently and if it helps just one person my work here is done. I was at work the other day talking to two of my coworkers who happened to be male. They asked if I had a boyfriend and I told them that I was interested in someone. They asked me one question, “Have you told him?” My response was “uhhhhhhhmmmmmm absolutely not! What you thought? (That is grammatically incorrect on purpose) lol. Of course, they asked why but I just felt like as a Christian woman who is in this phase of singleness I needed to be found and God didn’t need my assistance or my hints in that area. Internally, there were so many questions that I had which all came down to fear. I was afraid of rejection, I was afraid to move forward if he felt the same way that I did, and I was afraid that my actions would be displeasing to God since I reached out first. Yall, I was afraid to even call the boy on the phone lol. My mom (Love her) pumped me up for two hours, and still I wanted her to tell him and not me. Honestly, he was probably the first guy I realllllllllllllllllllly liked since my high school sweetheart. There have been others but they were just fillers. The thing that ultimately had me shook was ‘The Friend Zone’. It’s like a forbidden place to be in when you really like someone. I finally sent him a text (because im lame like that and had no courage to make the actual call) and I told him. Basically, he said he was too busy! He is very busy in his defense. I mean, it stung a little but not like hearing the whole “I don’t feel that way”. Maybe he was telling the truth, maybe he just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. All those emotions did not allow me to recognize that friendship, in fact, is amazing and that amazing things can form from that zone. My point of view now is that maybe the friend zone isn’t so bad, but let’s discuss what went wrong.

In retrospect, what did I do wrong? Well, I shared information with people I don’t know that well to escape the truth of my true accountability partners. I kind of wanted a sugar-coated truth because, well, the truth just downright hurts sometimes. One of my coworkers asserted, “just because someone puts you in the friend zone doesn’t mean you have to be there”. I laughed because it was funny but didn’t recognize that I also didn’t guard my heart or my ears from that conversation. I let the enemy get a front row seat to my emotions and he wielded my thought process into thinking things about myself that I know contradicts what God says about me. When I finally realized what was going on, how did I combat this? Well, in everything you must know both the word of the Lord and the Lord. Often times people get caught up in the word of God that they forget the God of the word. I used the word of God to face every bad thought that I had about my situation (not that it was so grand anyways). I thought that maybe I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough (hard to believe, I know lol) but in Genesis 1:27 the bible says that I was made in the image of God which makes me MORE than enough. I also didn’t trust that God’s plan for my life was greater than my own, but I had to remind myself of Jeremiah 29:11 where God states that he knows the plans that he has for me. He promises to prosper and not harm me and to give me a future and hope. God loves me and I needed to trust that he would send the right people in my life with good intentions (not that this person’s were bad). I was listening to a webisode on Redefined TV and Tanisha Flowers stated that biblical submission means to sub your own mission with God’s mission. I agreed 1000% but when the test came my will won. I’ll stop here and insert that YOU HAVE TO STAY CONNECTED TO THE VINE SO THAT YOU CAN HEAR WHAT GOD IS SAYING. I don’t think that liking him was the problem, but not seeking God before I said something about it was where I was wrong. Now, I’m grateful that he put me in the friend zone because it allows me to get to know him better. You mess up when you jump directly into bae mode, ask Khloe Kardashian (no shade).

So, why is the friend zone exactly where you want to be? I would say because you find out things in the friend zone that could of gotten blurry if you jumped right into ‘bae mode’. I know today the world is on love at first sight and sex before marriage and cohabitation. Don’t fall into the trap. No one deserves that part of you without paying the price. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says that bad company corrupts good character. You have to make the individual a friend to see what type of character they have and if that character is an asset or a liability to your purpose. Clearly, the bible says all you have to do is be around the bad company and your character is tarnished. I remember on Sunday I told my dad and my step mother about this guy because I understand that I’m young and I don’t have all the answers. If my parents and my step parents can leave me some great arrows in the road that says “do this, not that” I’ll take it. They’ve walked a lot more miles than I have in life. I know that their intentions are pure and I’m 1000% sure that they are praying for me and not against me. Once I told them about this boy, they asked me every question about him that I didn’t bother to ask. Is he saved? Does he believe in Jesus? Does he have a relationship with the Lord? Is he leading in purity? Can he pray? Does he go to church? Does he have kids? Does he have a good attitude? Is he a son of the King? Who is he accountable to? I am grateful for parents like this because they saw straight through all those butterflies. My mother drilled me and asked was I in position like Ruth, was I in the right field, what was so great about this boy. Does he push me closer to Jesus? I definitely didn’t ask that question because I was in such strong like. So how do you find the answers to those questions? IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!!! The friend zone is a place where you discover things that qualify or disqualify an individual. My deal breaker is that the guy must have a relationship with the Lord. What are your deal breakers? The friend zone is where you should realize whether you can see the next step or just let go. It will save you loads of time, hurt and self-compromising situations. Even though he had me at hello, thank you for the friend zone, it’s a great place to be. So next time you see that cute boy that has all the physical qualities you lovveeeeee…do yourself a favor sis…get in the friend zone!

Jesus loves you and so do I,

Cici <3