Yes, I’m Single! No, I’m Not Available!

I know the title makes this seem like the perfect ode to a long life of singleness. Are you cringing yet? It’s ok. The idea of being single forever is, in fact, cringe worthy. No one, unless you have the same gift of singleness that Paul speaks about, wants to be single forever. In the beginning, God even saw Adam alone and decided to make a helper suitable for him (Genesis 2:18). So, what’s up Jesus? Where is my boo at? I’ve been waiting for some time now. Hold up, hold up, hold up! Wait, I must be completely honest with you all because we’re family now! I felt like waiting includes dates, activities, and functions with the opposite sex and, in my new opinion, it should not. I was wasting time with individuals that I already knew Jesus would not approve. So, hold on, was I really even waiting? No. Was I being idolatrous? Self-righteous? Ruler of my own flesh? The answer is D, all of the above. In my efforts to be so wrapped up in Christ that I hit every goal I set out this year, I recently realized that I either half hit the goal (almost doesn’t count), or I didn’t hit the goal at all. What happened? Your girl got DISTRACTED. It’s one thing to be distracted and unaware that you’re distracted. It is a whole other thing to be distracted, well aware, and not care because the distractions are making you happier than the thought of dying to flesh and offering up that worship to Christ. It was extremely difficult to stay focused on the Lord’s plan. Today, in this moment, it is still hard. I would rather talk to him than write this blog, but I know healing and restoration will happen for one of my sisters by me being so transparent and spirit-led. Listen, have you all seen ‘The Family That Preys” by Tyler Perry. It’s a great movie to see if you haven’t. You remember when Alfred Woodard, the mother, told her daughter, Sanaa Lathan, not to continue in her affair because it would end in disaster? Her response, “Well, I’ll enjoy the ride on the way”. That was me, recently. I was so dedicated to my distraction even when I knew that it wouldn’t end well. The Lord told me it wouldn’t end well. Let me reiterate that *insert claps* I KNEW IT WOULDN’T END WELL. What I did not know, though, is that it would cause this much hurt to me in so little time. Now, I am back at the feet of my father, Jesus Christ, asking Him to take my crumbs and make them whole again. I don’t think you guys really hearing me! I was a whole crumb out here! I was socializing with crumbs and not taking heed to 1st Corinthians 15:33 which states, “Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character”. You want to know what happened? Let’s chat.

There was a guy at work and honestly, at first glance, there was nothing. No spark, at all! Hear me! However, my love language is ‘Words of Affirmation,’ and I feel like this is a curse! Lol, but seriously. I love to be gassed up, friends. I love for people to tell me I’m cute. I love for people to tell me I’m amazing. I love for people to tell me they appreciate me. I understand that I have been affirmed by Jesus; however, this is also the biggest way that I receive love. Pray for me! I’m not too big on gifts or touch, but the words have me too hype! I’m sure you guys can foresee where I’m going with this. He started having deep conversations with me. I shared my hopes and my dreams. I confided in him, and he confided in me. I let him read my blogs and listen to me talking about Jesus so he absolutely knew who I was and what I represented. Not to mention, he had a really nice physique and he was a total nerd focusing on programming. Lord, hold me! Moving along. I told him several times that Jesus was the core of who I am. However, he either didn’t believe in who I was or he made it his business to prove that I wasn’t who I was claiming to be. Either way, I didn’t care. I just wanted his words. They were all sugar. I got off work at midnight and he would wait for me, because he got off at 11pm, and sometimes I wouldn’t get home until 2am. This is all from talking. Let’s stop right here because I need to insert that the entire time I would be talking to him it was like I would get a nudge from the Holy Spirit and he would tell me to get in my car and go home. However, I was so interested I would totally disregard that feeling. It would even go so far as I would be talking to him and in my own brain I would look at him and be like you are such an instrument of the enemy. I knew the enemy was after me and my purpose because the glow up was real, lol. He even told me that he was temptation! Like, how dumb can you get Cici!!! Child, I was so bored that anything was better than going home. I slow danced with the devil and I knew that I was in his camp. The Lord even told me not to go that far. I knew that eventually I would get burned. I was just interested in the fact that I found a great communicator like myself and he gassed me up. As a result, things happened that shouldn’t have happened, but let’s fast forward. Like all sin, it was short lived, honey. DO NOT FALL FOR THE HYPE! Within a month’s time, he became a totally different person. I found out that he lied to me. I found out that he was going around saying different things about me that were not good. I found out that he loved my drama. I found out that he actually liked my friend. I know, lol. The tea is boiling hot. I found out that I meant absolutely nothing. He basically picked me up to slam me down. It hurt...that’s all I have to say about it lol. Moving forward.

I was thinking one day about why I continuously let people who are not of God, even the ones who show up in his name WITHOUT FRUIT (major key), have access to everything that is good about me. Some people don’t deserve your time, your space, your conversation, or your energy. We have to learn to keep it moving. If you know something is not of God, cut it off! I’m not saying you can’t be cordial or speak whenever you see them, but do not give them access to yourself. Guard your heart. 1st Peter 5:8 says to “Be well balanced (meaning temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion, seeking someone to seize upon and devour”. The first thing I take from this is that you have to stay strapped with the Word of God. Always be alert! How do you do this? You stay connected to the vine that Jesus speaks of in John. You have accountability partners who you can call in moments of weakness. When I told one of my friends about this situation she asked me, “Who am I talking to right now?” She also said, “This is not the Cithrah that I know, what happened?” The answer is simply, I took control of my own life and I absolutely wrecked it. When you’re connected to the vine it’s a lot easier to take heed to his voice. I don’t think I was ever disconnected from the vine; I just simply chose not to love God more and that hurts my heart more than the situation. I didn’t choose him, but he chose me. There’s grace for that, but to know there is an immense amount of love my Father wants to shower me with and still choose an individual who shows no actions of love towards you at all is perplexing. I chose to sit on the floor and eat with crumbs when he prepared a table for me! What was I thinking? What I also got from this was that the bible says the enemy runs around LIKE a roaring lion. Lion is not capitalized and the word like is used as a simile which means that he’s not even a lion. He’s a pretender. All he does is bark. He has no bite. You already have the victory over any situation when you’re in Christ. That is what the cross is for! In the words of Hill Song, “Lead me to the cross, where your love poured out”! The verse also says that he is seeking someone to seize upon. He is looking for the weak. I would say that I had weak moments, absolutely! However, I was well aware. I never felt good about my actions afterwards. I was always trying to worship my way back to Christ, but it didn’t take all that. It only took repentance and to turn away from that thing. My downfall was that I was bored. I didn’t want to be single. I’m tired of looking at weddings and not having one. I’m tired of all my friends looking so happy on the outside who are living with their boyfriends and having kids. I’m almost 30. Guess what, who cares!!!! Be honest about where you are so God can meet you there. Would you tell someone to meet you at the mall if you were really at Walmart. Yes, God is all knowing and he knows you’re lying, but being honest is about obedience.

Well, I think it’s time that we started to embrace our singleness a bit more. It’s an honor to be single. It is a gift from God. Get to a place where you stop making people your idols and surrender your problem area to the Lord. Right here, right now…with you all as my witness, I am not going to make any more idols out of men and I am not going to entertain the idea of a relationship without approval from my Father, both natural and spiritual. Take comfort in knowing that as singles, we have the best partner, Jesus. He will never let us down. He will never fail us. He always chooses to love us past our issues. Humans have breaking points. Be honored that your singleness means that you are married to the Lord! You have a partner that you can entrust everything to and when you get home your juice and food will still be there lol. I am glad to be back on the right track and even more glad to surrender this area. If I never get married, God still reigns on the throne and he has been BETTER than good to me! So today, I challenge you to have your wedding to Jesus. I am going to buy a ring and wear it on my right hand to symbolize our union. Join me! Become so engulfed with your relationship with God that the wrong ones can’t even find you! If they try to come at you, just simply smile and say, “thank you, but I’m focused on my relationship with the Lord. Be encouraged on today! Thanks for listening! Feel free to contact me with your own stories and ways that you found your way back to your one true love, Jesus!

Jesus loves you and I do too!

Peace and Blessings,

Cici