What About Your Friends?!

Hello, Lights!! Let’s just go ahead and sing this song to get it out of the way so that you can focus on the message of the blog. Lol.

“What about your friends, will they stand their ground, Will they let you down again? What about your friends, are they gonna be lowdown, Will they ever be around, Or will they turn their backs on you?”

Aye! I still listen to this song all the time. I love TLC! It’s one of those songs that still apply in this time. However, in a world where toxicity has become a trending topic, I often wonder are we viewing the term friendship from a perspective where Christ is exalted. Daily, I scroll my timeline to find countless memes, gifs and quotes regarding toxic friendships. Very few of them tend to reveal a balanced view of a godly friendship. To be honest, they’re mostly rooted in selfishness. God wants our relationships to be prosperous. He desires community for His people. The second commandment is to ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’(Matt 22:37) If we can honor this verse then we must also come to terms with the fact that dismissing people, who are loved by God, because they do not model what you think is considered a friend is not only wrong, but self-righteous. It also reveals a deeper issue. If you have issues loving people, you probably have an issue loving yourself. I strongly believe that once we understand that we are all toxic in one form or another, we will have a better understanding on how to walk with the people we choose to call friend. By the end of this blog you may find that you don’t truly have friends, or you may find out that you need to be a better friend. Either way, there is both growth and grace in the process. Let’s get into it. Three ways to know you have a true friend.

The first way that you know someone is a true friend is that there is a level of accountability. I think we tend to choose the wrong friends because we are looking for those of like minds; a person that acts and thinks like we do. However, like mindedness is not a character trait of friendship. God can use a person that is absolutely nothing like you to better you. I was discipled by a middle-aged Latina, and we had nothing in common, but Jesus. Lol. That woman blessed my life and taught me how to dissect the bible. I can honestly say her leadership helped me birth my blog. One of the scriptures that serve me best when defining what a friendship should look like would be Proverbs 27: 17 which states, ‘As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.’ A godly friend is not put in your life to say amen to your decisions, but they’re put in your life to hone you and make you accountable to the things of God. Real friends tell you the truth in love (this is key). For instance, I have a friend named Alexis. I remember explaining a situation to her one day and afterwards she told me, in the sweetest way possible, ‘you have a hard time facing the truth, my dear.’ I can still hear her voice and see her face. Every time I am faced with a situation that I would like to adjust due to its harsh reality; I can hear Alexis’s voice ringing in my head. Lol. It echoes. Lol. What I was doing was taking a fantasy and trying to merge it with reality, but that isn’t possible. Of course, it was about a guy. Lol. What else? Even to this day, I run almost everything past her. I also have another friend. Her name is Lorissa. She helped me see that a certain person was somewhat an idol for me. She gave me the idea to fast from him, as in not talking at all. Talk about painful! I remember texting her, just yesterday that I didn’t want to because it was so hard. Y’all, I literally started a note on my phone with topics to tell him about once the fast is over. Lol. She said, ‘you’ll be ok, that’s your flesh dying.’ Lol. They cut me no slack, but these are the types of friends that you want in your life. People who can see your blind spots and pull you out of a situation you are too close to so that you can look at the situation holistically. I also haven’t known them that long. When its God ordained, time is irrelevant.

The second way to know someone is a true friend is that you all have common goals. They aren’t pulling you in a direction that is contrary to the one that you should be going. They aren’t asking you to come to sex parties, or go to the club, or have a drink, etc. They’re edifying. When you get in the pit, they don’t have a pity party with you. They call you out and remind you who you are. They understand the call on your life, and they encourage you to answer it. I remember sending Lorissa a photo of Sarah Jakes and she was preaching in a pair of fly, white boots. She responded to me and said, ‘answer the call.’ She also has a business rooted in faith, like me. I let her know that whenever she needs something, I’ll be right there to assist her for free 99. I’m interested in seeing my friends prosper and get to their promise land…on time! Don’t have friends that complain about everything. Next thing, you’re wondering for 40 years when the promise was so close. You ever met a person that’s 50 years old and still has no idea of purpose? Could it be they were in the wrong company? Bad company corrupts good character. Don’t let it be you. Real friends head in the same direction. No, you don’t have to be doing the same thing, but you have a common goal as in ‘Christ being glorified.’ The friends that pull you out and encourage you to sin are not true friends. They’re enemies that give you kisses. The bible says that, “faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” To be honest, a person doesn’t have to be backstabbing, lying, or physically harmful to you to be considered an enemy. They could just be persuading you to live a life you weren’t called to live. They can be a good person and not a God person. Feel me? May I suggest that you take inventory of your friends to see who is encouraging you to do the right thing. Surround yourself with people who have the same common goals as you. You should feel pumped after you speak with them. Your purpose should excite you. Jesus and his disciples had common goals. After some time, they went separate ways, but the goal remained the same. No, the friendship may not be perfect, but God will grace you through it. This leads me to my next point…which is sacrifice.

The last way to know someone is a true friend is that they die for you. I know y’all are like woah, Cici, hold up. Lol. I promise I thought the same thing. You don’t have to literally die, but you die to yourself for the sake of the friendship. In the book of John, Jesus said, “greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” While Jesus died physically, we can practice that same concept daily through giving even when we don’t want to give. If you see your friend struggling, help them. You may have a friend that needs you a bit more than others. If your friend is a single mom maybe you can watch her child for her while she rejuvenates. Serve, y’all. Instead of feeling like they’re a nuisance, help them even when you don’t want to. One of my friends went out of town for a week and she has a daughter. I went and braided her hair for her so her Dad wouldn’t have to worry about that for the week. Yes, it was out of my way and took up my time. Lol. If you offend your friends, be open to letting them express how you hurt them, even when you don’t agree. I recently had a situation like this. I still think it’s so dumb. I playfully poured water on one of my friends and she got so upset. I apologized immediately, but when she wanted to discuss the issue, I blew her off. All she wanted to do was express her feelings as to why she felt hurt by me pouring water on her. I failed her in that way, and I had to go back and make it right. When someone is your true friend, you care about their feelings. You want to create a safe place. No one wants a friend that is not humble, or kind, or loving, or patient. It all comes down to loving people well. Don’t ever look at another person created by God and say, ‘we built different,’…you’re not. We were all created by God. Their vibration is low…possibly…but that’s an opportunity to show grace and love them through whatever they’re going through. We are not the same…yea…actually, you are. You’re human and you have emotions, pits, and mountain tops just like they do. Irritability is not a reason to dismiss people. It’s a reason for you to depend on God’s strength to help you love His people. Everyone is toxic. We are so toxic that God had to wrap himself in flesh to come down and die to correct our mistakes. That's love! I encourage you all to exercise love today. Learn how to shift with people’s behaviors and attitudes. Jesus dealt with a lot of people. He even knew who would betray him and still loved. Take inventory of your friends and see where you can be better. No, this isn’t a blog to encourage your heavy, cut-off spirit. It’s a blog to grow you in love.

As always, God loves you

So do I

Cici