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Why Do You Desire to be Married??!
Hey Lights!!! I miss y'all so much!!!! I've been waiting for the Lord to tell me what to write. He gave me this title about a week ago and I've struggled to mash this thing together, but the revelation was so good so I'm just gonna jump right in. I'm 29 and most of my friends have kids. Not all, but most. The other portion of them are married, in serious relationships or engaged. Then there's me. I'm just trying to love Jesus and not get my wig caught in anybody's earrings (I don't understand how this keeps happening lol). Figure out the perfect spot to highlight my cheek bones, chill on the carbs, fit into my high waist pants with the perfect heel to match. Try not to fall up or down the stairs at home...ya know. I'm happy about where I am because who needs that level of responsibility. I sure don't. I love being on my own time. But, all of that joy comes crashing down if I happen to be scrolling down my feed and see someone post the perfect tribute to their significant other or a beautiful family photo. I could even be on the phone with my brother and he says that he did something nice for his wife like getting her car detailed or buying new tires. Who doesn't want a nice, clean car with fresh tires?!!! Then I fold my arms and pout. Lol. My car is telling me to put air in 3 of my tires right now. It's cold and I have no one to do these things!!!! What a burden. Lol. If my tire goes flat, who can I call?!! My Dad?! By the time he gets there Jesus will be bursting through the clouds on his white horse and the trumpets will sound. At that point I don't need the car anymore. I'm going to the upper room. So, there's my discontentment. Oh yeah, let's not forget the cute little photos of 'spending time with bae #QualityTime' on the timeline. I love to hate them. Lol. Now that the holidays are here they are going to be non-stop. I may need to deactivate, eat ice cream and watch movies alone in pure joy without the timeline disrupting my peace. In one of my rants to my Dad, he said, "You can have that if you just trust God." Older people always say something so simple, yet so profound. You have to love them.
I realized that maybe I didn't trust God as much as I thought I did. It was compartmentalization at best. Jesus can have my whole life, but he needs to let me pick the guy. Ha. That's not how it works, and when I pick wrong, which I always do, I imagine Jesus shaking his head at me in pure laughter. Glad I can make the King of Kings laugh. He tells me that people are not the one, but I always trying to make them fit. It's like trying to fit into a size 4 pair of jeans. The Lord always says, "You can't fit Him. He's too small for where I'm taking you." This is no shade to anyone. One day, in my quiet time, God asked me to write down what I wanted in marriage. I think most people think of marriage as being in love, buying a nice home, working great jobs or being entrepreneurs, having kids (being a soccer mom), a dog and white fence. All of those things are great, but that's not the type of marriage I desire. I want a marriage where God is the center of all things. I want community and not exclusion. I want to do ministry in mine. I don't care about having all of these wonderful, materialistic things. I just want to teach people about Jesus, and I want a husband that does the same. I want him to call a fast out of nowhere. Or, be able to lead the family in bible study because he studies his word. I want him to be able to pray over me. Cover me. I want him to be hype for Jesus. I want him to be nice. One who loves people. I want an applicator. He doesn't just hear the word, but he applies it. A lot of people spend ALL their time in church and there is no evidence at all. I want him to challenge me and encourage me to be better. Lovingly call out my sin. Embody the fruit of the spirit. If we happen to get a huge house in the process, amen. Let's open our doors and help people who are trying to help themselves. I actually want a true family in Christ. I don't need all of this fake stuff. When I was done writing, the Lord said, "Now who exactly have you dated or liked that you can do this type of ministry with?" Not. one. soul. Then I laughed and I felt better. Every person you think is cute will not be able to fit you. Every person you think is nice will not be able to fit you. Every brother in church will not be able to fit you. I know he's cute, and he dress fly, and you want to have all his babies, but no. Lol. It's ok if you feel overlooked. I've had moments where I tell the Lord, "I knowwww I look good, and I'm still overlooked." Lol. NEVER chosen. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. So, I gotta hold trains forever? I've had moments where I've said, "Maybe I just really suck." Or, "Maybe, I'm not a catch." It's a lie from Satan. Lol. What we won't do is sit here and entertain the lies of a fallen angel who hating from outside of heaven because He can't get in. It's just not my season to date...and that's ok. I'm in God's secret place waiting to be found. Everybody doesn't need to think you're fine. Only one person. You want that person to be God's best, not yours. Yours is a small teddy bear at best. God wants to give you more than what you can think of. He wants to bless you with someone who has the same vision as you. Division only means having two visions. Don't you want to be on the same page with your future husband? I do. If you think that person was everything, wait until you get God's best. It's going to blow your mind. While I'm waiting, I'll become my list and join every ministry at church to occupy my time. Rest, God has you and I exactly where we should be. Trust Him.
As always,
God loves all of you,
So do I,
* Send me an email and we can chat!!! Take care.