Rules of Confrontation

“Now, who's hot, who not? Tell me who rock, who sell out in the stores? You tell me who flopped, who copped the blue drop? Whose jewels got rocks? Who's mostly Dolce down to the tube sock? The same old pimp, Mase You know ain't nothing change but my limp”

Ok, im done! I had the shoulders going and everything! I really wish I was an adult in the 90’s when Bad Boy took over. This is in no way related to the topic of discussion. I just wanted to show y'all im lit. Lol. Anyways, how are you guys! It’s been a while! I’ve been great. You know me, just out here failing forward. Lol. Life is truly a journey and I dare not ever flex for the people as if I have it all together. No ma’am! Actually, I embrace struggles because they teach me humility. They enhance the way that I think. They give me insight and great perspective. They allow me to grow in areas that I absolutely need to work on. I try to tackle topics that I am truly passionate about. I really study. I hear from God. Lately, confrontation has been on my heart. It’s such a large part of life and if we don’t properly manage confrontation in relationships it has the ability to stagnate us, stunting our spiritual and emotional growth and even detour our purpose. Confrontation should never end true, divine relationships. It is a type of communication. It usually leads to break through if you communicate through it. It helps us reach the depths of one another to connect on a deeper level. I have a tool or so that will help you in confrontation with the people you love most. Now, I am sure there are a lot more tools and references. I do not think I’m graced to fill up your entire toolbox. Lol. Like, my last name is Henderson, not Jakes. I am just here to hand you a screwdriver if you don’t have one. WE must be committed to finding the screws and such…amen. Shall we proceed to give you what you need?

My first rule of confrontation is to remove emotions. How Cici? They be having me messed up! I get it! I promise, I get it. Somebody has me messed up every week, for sure. Friend, relative, boo, associate…you name it. I intentionally listen to Little More Jesus and Help by Erica Campbell. I have a whole playlist of calm down music. A younger, immature version of me… wait…who am I kidding? Cici in the flesh today will fly off the handle and I can clean it up later. It honestly depends on if I spent time with the Lord that day. Lol. People never forget the things that we say or do to them out of anger. What I found out is that in anger, we tend to make bad decisions. We do not think clear and we say things that we cannot get back. James 1:19, boo. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.” Usually, when I feel myself getting tight, I will get quiet because I’m processing how to handle the situation. Again, depends on if I have talked to Jesus that day. Most days, I have. I think being quiet is important while the other individual is talking. We can truly understand the message that the other party is conveying. We cannot do that if we are led by our emotions. Emotions are from the root word emote. It means to stir up, to be theatrical. That is why we should be slow to speak and react when we are upset or frustrated. Being slow to speak is important. Often, we will find that the argument is not even about us. People are dealing and healing. Some things are not personal, we are just the person that, unfortunately, gets to receive the energy. People want to feel heard. People lash out. People are mean. People are rude. Just listen. We need to try our best to be kind. If the lady at the register has an attitude, let her go with God. She will not ruin my day. I came out to get a banana and now I'm upset. Like, what? No ma’am, we do not give the enemy that type of power over here. Lastly, being slow to anger is key. If we can go from 0-100 real quick…which we all can depending on what has transpired...we need to pause and sit with our anger for a while. The bible says to be angry, but sin not in Ephesians 4:26. A slick comment should never progress to a fight or a full out “who knows the most curse words and insults.” Like, why? I do not understand. I could be painting my toes, chile. I could be taking a bubble bath. I could be doing something that serves me. I am confusion. Lol. I promise you will master a whole new level of peace when you learn how to be centered and not react quickly, whether it be verbally or physically, to confrontation. We must learn to be in total control ourselves.

My final rule is to try to become the individual that you are in confrontation with. We will find that most times, their perspective is not delusional. They did not wake up and put “Piss *insert name* off” on their agenda. Sometimes our world and their world collide. Our culture may not be their culture. We did not come from their background. We have not walked 200 feet in their shoes. Even if we know their story, we have not lived it. Knowing and doing…two different things. Let grace abound. Be peaceful. Be centered. Be unmoved. Understand them. When I argue with people, I try to go in their brain and figure out how they came up with that solution or idea. I like to know thought processes. Why do you think the way that you think? Maybe they would rather eat at home because they live in survival mode. We need to understand that. They are not a cheap skate for that. Maybe, they do not understand consideration because they have never been considered. Maybe they are home to home because they have always been home to home and it’s their normal. Maybe they are late to work every day because it is a struggle for them to get out of bed every day. They may be dealing with anxiety/depression. We will never know. That is why we must be centered. We must be the nucleus and let all things and ideas form around us. Let our minds be the strongest thing on our bodies. If our hands or our mouths move before we get clear understanding, that has nothing to do with the other individual. That is a heart issue. Why do I fly off the handle before I listen? Why am I not nice when I communicate? Why does it burn me to be nice to people who aren’t nice to me? Why do I think cursing people out and going to sleep peacefully is ok? How can I block people I was just kicking it heavy with? Why am I double minded? Why is it so easy for me to shut down? Once we realize that we have our own mountains, to climb, we will learn that every individual is an image bearer of God and that they deserve our kindness, period. I never said dismiss truth. You can tell the truth in love. It is easy to pass judgement on people when you have not lived a day in their shoes. It is easy to be quick to say what we would do when we have never been in the situation. It is easy to be loveless. It is easy to cut people off. It is easy to say people need to grow up without facing the fact that we all have childhood traumas to get over and, in some moments, that child tends to peak its head in adult situations. It is easy to call someone homeless when we forget that was our story at some point or we have never felt what it was like to be homeless. It is easy to get annoyed with less fortunate people when we have reached our idea of success. It is easy to say why didn’t he/she just do a, b and c because we’ve had time to think on the situation instead of reacting out of instinct. It is easy to discuss someone else’s skeletons when our bag of bones is not shaking. It is easy to give advice on a relationship we are not in. It is so easy to try and win an argument instead of trying to win the relationship. Wheww chile…y’all get it by now. The same grace that chases us down every day should be the same grace that we extend. So what we’re tired of this person doing the same thing over and over and over. Don’t we all mess up daily? Doesn’t God have to forgive us all daily. I’m not saying to dismiss boundaries, but I am saying that some of these confrontations we should be able to work through. Who are we to be so self-righteous to think that if an individual is not what you deem acceptable that they are not worthy of embrace? It is self-righteousness! You know that right? We have idolized ourselves when God called us to love. He did not give conditions…He said love. He did not say love them as long as they love you. He said love. I encourage us all to search our hearts today and see where we can get better. Where can we water our toughest relationship? Apologize if you’ve been difficult. There is grace on the other side. Pray this prayer with me. Lord, help me to be patient with others. Help me to be kind. Give me perspective. Lead me in all things. Help me to love your people well. Help me to walk out the fruit of your spirit. Help me to be slow to anger. Help me to see all individuals equally. Remind me daily that I am also in desperate need of your grace. Amen.

Alright, did you learn something? I hope so. I love y’all. I’m sitting outside on a bench and it’s so cold. Lol. I’ll talk to you guys in a few weeks. Be blessed.

God loves you, so do I

Cici