The Backwards Law: A Counter Approach to Success

Hey guys! A new year is on its way, and I cannot help but wonder about how many of us have set a large list of goals or have created a beautiful vision board. How many of us have both consciously and unconsciously given ourselves timelines to lose weight, earn degrees, buy homes or get promotions. Let me clarify that there is nothing wrong with preparing ourselves for success, but our ideas of success could be compromised. I would like to unpack the idea of The Backwards Law by Alan Watts. I was introduced to it while reading Mark Manson's self-help book, The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck. In the book, the idea of the backwards law suggests that the more we pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied we become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. Interesting, right?! I feel the need to unpack this idea more. The more we chase and idea or thing, the further it is from us. Simply put, stop trying so hard. I will use myself as an example. I am currently on a weight loss journey and for the most part it is going well. However, I can remember a time where I was obsessed with the idea of losing weight. I was starving and trying every fad diet. If the results did not come as fast as I wanted, I would eat less. I would jump on the scale EVERY morning. The issue here is that most of the ideas and things that we chased are attached to a value that we hold. I will use myself as an example. How to apply the backwards law to weight loss, particularly my situation is that weight loss was what I was chasing outwardly; however, the value that I was projecting through weight loss was self-worth, maybe even self-confidence. Over obsessing about how much I weigh continuously reinforced the fact that in order to feel better about my self-worth I need to be at a certain weight, which is false. I unconsciously didn't think of myself well. See, usually when we esteem an idea or a thing it is attached to a value. When we are not comfortable about how that value is depicted in our lives, we chase the thing instead of questioning the value. How do you overcome this? As stated in the previous sentence, we need to question our values. Why are you not worthy until you are a certain weight? That's not true. I'm worthy because God created me. I'm worthy because I woke up. I had to interrupt that pattern of thinking and accept myself as I am right now. Self-worth and weight are not parallel. I had to cut out all the things I was watching on social media that reinforced that negative concept. I stopped getting on the scale every day. I realized that waking up and choosing to exercise, eat well and take care of myself first is self-worth. There is no weight attached to that. I have self-worth already. When we realize that what we desire project values that we should already have, we then understand that chasing ideas and materials outwardly is counterproductive. For instance, some people chase homeownership and degrees. The values they truly desire are security and intelligence. What they don't understand is that they are safe and intelligent already. They are telling themselves they are not which causes them to chase those things that negatively impact. I hope you all understand this concept! Nothing is wrong with a new year resolution, but let's stop projecting values onto materials and people and look within. I am leaving you with a beautiful cliche - "everything you need is already on the inside of you"

God bless, Happy New Year and Let's work,

Cici