Why I No Longer Believe in Christian Courtship

Hey Guys,

It has been a while. I just wanted to stop by and share an idea with you. That is, I do not believe in Christian courtship anymore. I think that the idea of it is unhealthy. The original idea of courtship is that two individuals meet and start dating with the intention of marriage. It is being sold as some formula to a divine marriage. This truly makes dating complex, but I believe dating is simple. Dating is simply collecting data. When we go into a new relationship with the end goal in mind, more likely than not, we force the data in the middle to reflect what the goal is – marriage. This can cause us to overlook red flags that come up and over-spiritualize behavior when it is just a person’s character. Most times, the attack is not on your marriage from the devil. He is a powerless being. We are more than likely battling the character flaws we chose to overlook in the dating process. We can always look to God’s word to obtain His standard on how we should date by looking at relationships in the text. I think we are often tricked into purchasing books, conferences, and other materials from gospel influencers because the idea of dating is a hot topic and a guaranteed payday. It is what we all want to hear about. It is what makes our ears itch and it is the same idea that makes us loosen our wallets. While the information may sound great and be presented to us even greater, we should filter dating through God’s word. It shows us His intent for dating. When God put two people together in the text there was a need for it, not a desire. If we truly wrote out our goals, set them, and spent most of our time focusing on those goals, we would find that we do not necessarily need to be dating. We just desire to date out of boredom, loneliness, insecurity, etc. But desires that turn into idols will surely ruin you. Do not rush the process. Focus on your goals, as Christ did, and when you need assistance God will bring the assistance. We should not be looking for partners. We should be looking for our purpose. If you know your purpose, you should be running with it. Look at everyone as an associate or friend, not a possibility. You will see that you have a front row, courtside seat into a person’s character. Zero expectations help us inspect better. Let the data that is put in front of you help you lean into what is right for you instead of letting church culture set you up for a lifetime of battles you did not sign up for. Of course, there is no perfect individual, but sometimes we choose the worst because we do not let the data speak. If huge companies did not believe their data, do you think they would be successful? No! Let the data set you up for success. Believe the red on the spreadsheet and base your decisions on what is in front of you. Read your word and look at relationships in the text that were put together by God. Collect the data. Choose well.

Peace,

Cici